Happy NEW YEAR, Everyone!
Today marks the end of 2015, and while we’ll never have the opportunity to change a thing from this past year, the New Year brings about a whole new world of possibilities!
I don’t really have much room to complain about a whole lot. Oh sure, not every single moment of every day of 2015 was all rainbows and butterflies; there were plenty of sad moments, anxious feelings, frustration, and even a few “knock-down-drag-out” arguments with a few unlucky souls. But when I throw all the happenings of the last year into the bowl together, I can honestly say that the “good” definitely outweighs the “bad” as a whole. There were friendships that ended and new ones struck up. Pregnancies achieved, babies born, and a few precious souls (old and new) that were lost to us forever.
And then … there were the beautiful moments. The moment I wrapped my arms around my husband for the first time upon his return from a 9 month long deployment to Korea.
This past summer, I was finally able to meet in person two of the best women I’ve ever had the privilege to call my friends; we met online through the Countdown To Pregnancy, a website dedicated to helping women to track their pregnancies. We were all due to have our babies within a week of one another, and did exactly that. We stayed friends, and these ladies have become my closest friends, my confidants – my sisters. I love them with all my heart, and finally getting to hug these girls was definitely one of the highlights of my year!!
And the brightest shining star in my solar system this, and every year is my son, John. He was diagnosed in October with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), which temporarily shattered our world. But once I started researching autism and learning more about it, I noticed that the “puzzle” that made up my son was making more sense to me, and the pieces were beginning to fall into place! While life with him (he turned 2 in September) is anything but dull and/or boring, as I learn more and more about what makes him tick – I am able to see the beauty of who he is, autism and all!
Like the vast majority of Moms I know, I have the terrible feeling that my baby boy is growing up way too fast! But what is true for the rest of the world, is true also for children – change (growth in this case) is the only constant in life.
And then there are things that never change. There are always certain aspects of our lives that seem to be the rock that is unmoving. And for me – that unwavering, unchanging constant in my life – is TTC. I have spent the vast majority of my adult life TTC a child. Feels like forever. I should’ve given up long ago, but looking into the beautiful, light brown eyes of my son renews my dumb hope. He’s the child I never expected to have, and wrapping him in my arms fills me with wonder at the chance to have another, no matter how small the odds are given my history. But I just can’t.
And so this New Year’s Eve marks 8 DPO for me. I’m praying that we get a BFP this cycle; this coming January is the two year mark for us. We began our current TTC journey in January of 2014, and I would so like to actually BE pregnant when that time rolls around.
One of the best things about New Year’s Eve festivities? It’s one of the only days of the year when my husband not only avoids giving me crap about POAS – he actually recommends it! I was able to POAS tonight (to check for a BFP before I had the beer I was planning to drink) without feeling the need to hide it from my husband! It was glorious!! (I’m pathetic, I know.)
The one drawback to having your husband with you when you purchase said HPT is that he is able to see the prices of them. So while I wanted to get a package of FRERs – he put his foot down and insisted that we get the cheaper blue dye line test. But since he was paying for it, I didn’t complain. I was able to see the faintest of faint lines within the 10 minute mark, but since it was the dreaded blue dye, I considered it a BFN.
While I know that the test is invalid after 10 minutes, but I wanted to show how the super faint blue line that showed up within the allotted time frame developed over time. I decided to go ahead with the beer (it was only one 24 oz beer, not a whole bottle of rum), and I’ll do my dead level best to avoid POAS until day after tomorrow at 10 DPO. My boobage is still really sore and swollen, so I’m not losing hope yet! Fingers and toes crossed that I won’t need another cycle!
My TTC Journey Into Madness 