Ever get the feeling that you may as well be beating your head against a brick wall?
That my friends, is about where I’m at with TTC right about now. And this ↑ is the expression I’ve had on my face for the past 3 days. Ugh.
As I’m sure you’ve noticed from the title of today’s post, I am obviously not pregnant. Out of all those beautiful little eggies I O’d last month with the help of the Ovidrel trigger shot, not ONE of them bad fellas fertilized and implanted. Not. One. Single. Egg.
And to add insult to injury, not only did AF show – the heifer showed her ugly mug four days early! The whole purpose of the progesterone supplements I was taking was to add to my body’s natural progesterone production, which would keep the levels in my bloodstream high enough to allow for implantation of any fertilized embryos into the lining of the uterus before it was shed in menstruation. If anything it should’ve lengthened my LP, not shortened the damn thing by four days! I had a 10 day LP last cycle – that’s the shortest LP I’ve had in the 2 years since Matt and I began TTC this time!
So now what?? Well in truth, I’m not entirely sure. The reason for my ambiguity isn’t financial or emotional; it stems from the inevitable uncertainty that comes with the title of “Army Wife.” While I try to make my TTC journey an open book for those who should choose to read it, there are aspects of my life that I simply can’t share with the world; the specifics regarding my husband’s career are among the most important details that I must safeguard at all costs. What I can say however, is that the Army is a jealous mistress, and evidently doesn’t give a tinker’s damn that my husband and I are going through rather aggressive infertility treatments to expand our family; nor does the Army seem to plan their training/deployment/mission schedules around said infertility treatments, either.
For the past 2.5 weeks, Matt has been attending a school that is required for him to progress to higher ranks. While we are lucky that this school is offered at the post we are currently stationed at (many soldiers are required to travel to different states to attend this training), this particular course is seven days a week for three weeks. Sucks, but he’s gotta have it, right? Right. Well, this past Friday we got the news that the day after he graduates the training course he’s currently attending, he will be catching a flight to join the rest of his soldiers who are training in a different state; there will be no cell phone usage allowed for the month long duration of this training.
What?! You’re kidding me, right? PLEASE tell me you’re joking. *sigh* Looks like we won’t be spending any family time before he leaves. Fast forward two days, and the old witch has found me four days early. So me being the crazy TTC-er that I am, I immediately pulled up my Fertility Friend app, to see where that would put my O date in relation to the tentative date that the hubster would be leaving. And ya know what? If I actually O’d the same CD this cycle that I did last cycle, that would put O happening two days after Matt left for a month. Lovely. And looking forward to the next cycle, and ya know when I’m supposed to O in March? You guessed it! I’m supposed to O the day BEFORE he comes home!
To be perfectly honest, my first thought was to say “&@%$ it” and not do anything TTC related whatsoever while Matthew was gone. What’s the point, right? Upon further reflection, I’ve decided to go ahead with the injectables again this cycle, for one reason; with how well my body responded to the Follistim injections, there is a very real possibility that I may indeed O a little earlier than I did last cycle. And given that spermies can survive inside the human body for up to five days in optimum circumstances, there’s still a shot that we might be able to conceive this cycle after all, even if he does leave two days before O. Whether I’ll be doing an injectable cycle next month or not depends on the dates that play out in this one, so I’ve made the conscious decision not to “borrow trouble” and wait to stress over next cycle when/if the time comes.
I wanted to take this opportunity to say a big “Thank You” to two women who took the time to reach out to me via Facebook, when they hadn’t seen a post from me in a few days. Brittany and Kelsey, you’ll never know just how much your gentle nudges helped to pull me from the dark place I had slipped into after AF showed. You reminded me of why I post in the first place. It isn’t just so I’ll have somewhere to complain about my life/body – my posts are for you! I write MY feelings regarding my journey down so that others might read the words and be encouraged; at the very least to be entertained! Thank you both so very much for rescuing me from the darkness that was swallowing me whole!