CD 21 – October 2015

It’s been 8 days since my last post, and I’m sorry for that. What a wonky cycle this has been for me! I’ve made an executive decision about next cycle, whenever it should arrive – I am going back to tracking my ovulation! I thought that taking a break from obsessing over it as much would be spiritually uplifting and renewing, letting things happen as they may. Yeah, about that …

I was wrong

Truthfully, if my body had worked the way it was supposed to, the “ignorant bliss” method would’ve worked beautifully I think. But since Mother Nature is a pig from hell who enjoys screwing with me at any chance she can, my body decided to go all caddwhompers. I’m not sure why I’m even surprised anymore.

Somewhere around CD 8, my boobs unexpectedly became very sore for no apparent reason. I thought that for one reason or another, I was going to O really early this cycle – two days later the soreness was completely gone. After that – nothing. Not a single symptom notable enough to justify making note of. There was a few bouts of light cramping, but no noticeable changes in CM, no skin breakouts, nada. Nothing until about 3 days ago. What happened then? The soreness started to come back, but more slowly this time. Instead of waking up oober sore, the soreness has sort of faded in thins time. Like usual, muh left boob is more sore and slightly swollen than the right one, but I’m thinking that may have something to do with the fact that “Lefty” was always my best milk producer while I was nursing John.

While I’m glad to see the girls are a little sore (it means my body must’ve done something right hormonally), I’m still baffled as to the why part. Why are they sore in the first place, and why are they getting so sore this late in my cycle? In truth, I suppose there could be a couple of reasons. 1) The most probable explanation for the breast tenderness so late in my cycle (since the girls usually get sore around O day and stay that way for a few days after), is that I most likely O’d late in my cycle, or 2) I could be pregnant. Had I actually O’d around the “normal” CD, the timing for the soreness to be pregnancy induced would make a lot of sense. Knowing how my body works however, I’m not counting my chickens before they hatch with this idea.

chickens-before-they-hatch

On 2nd day I was aware of any tender boobage, I also became painfully aware of a mounting headache, too. It wasn’t a migraine given that I was still able to function without puking all over my son, but it was definitely a “hormone headache” since I wasn’t able to get shed of it with Motrin and a Pepsi. The first thing I did when I started to feel the pounding, was check the weather app on my phone; I’m very sensitive to the change in barometric pressure that immediately precedes a weather front but, 1) I can usually alleviate weather related headaches using the aforementioned method and, 2) there wasn’t a single patch of rain anywhere in the entire state of Texas! So that rules barometric pressure out as the culprit. And to make matters worse, that rotten headache lasted for 2 solid days. But then magically, it vanished just as quickly as it arrived.

About 12 hours later, my belly decided that it was going to turn itself inside out and I got hit with a horrible case of diarrhea. Fun, right? I expected the breast tenderness to vanish when the shizzles started (a hormone headache and an upset tummy almost always comes right before AF), but it didn’t. Like an idiot, I decided to POAS just to see. I had ordered a batch of Wondfo dip strips, but they wouldn’t be in until Monday the 19th so I picked up a box of FRER at the grocery store. The results weren’t surprising, given that today was only CD 21 of a normally 27-28 day cycle.

wpid-picshop-45d5ce72c7c0f8dde59798c97f5c511f.png
A stark white BFN.

My Wondfo’s are set to be delivered on the 19th (this coming Monday), which will be CD 24 and being only 4 days from my expected AF, I’ll have a much better chance of getting a BFP if we somehow managed to BD around O this cycle – whenever the hell that was. I’m not holding out more than a shadow of a hope for this month; with our schedules so crazy, Matt and I haven’t spent much quality time together. I know that it “only takes once” but I don’t wanna get my hopes up too high.

The worst news I got today was that one of my BFFs who was expecting lost her baby late last night. And to add insult to injury, there was no warning whatsoever. She’d been having some light pink/brown spotting off and on, but was assured by her midwife that spotting in early pregnancy was completely normal; she was right at 8 weeks. She woke up in a puddle of blood, had 2 cramps on her way to the bathroom, and when she got there her tiny little baby was there in her panties. She called me in absolute hysterics, and understandably so. While she has a beautiful little girl a month younger than my son, she’s experienced two losses since she was born. While the last one broke her heart in two, it seemed (at least on the outside) to be a little less traumatic. This loss shattered her (and me, I might add) into a zillion tiny little pieces. I have never felt so helpless in my entire life. I couldn’t find the words. What can you say to someone who’s heart is crushed?? And considering we are separated by a great distance, there wasn’t anything I could do, either. So I just tried to calm her and told her that I loved her. I was so glad she called – I just wish I could’ve actually helped in some way.

As far as I’m concerned, I’ll just have to wait on my Wondfo’s to arrive before I do anymore testing …

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