13 DPO – September 2015

All in all, today was a good day. Not a great day, but a good one. Whoever said that Tuesday is the most productive day of the week, has never spent any amount of time with me on Mondays! John and I got up around 9:00 this morning, and it was busy, busy, busy ever since. Just today I managed to: change the sheets on Bubby’s bed, get the Diaper Genie emptied, got 4 loads of laundry washed, dried, folded and put away, vacuumed the entire house, unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, took the trash and recycling outside to the can, likewise taking the cans to the road for trash day tomorrow. Oh, and I mowed the lawn and cleaned up the flower beds, too!

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I finished the lawn around 1:30, so while I was getting ready to shower and get cleaned up, I decided to POAS with my very last HPT. It was a FRER Gold Digital. I was still having some breast soreness, which usually has subsided completely by now. So I peed on the thing and hopped in the shower before it had time to give me an answer. I peeked at it as I stepped out of the shower though.

Don't get any clearer than that.
Don’t get any clearer than that.

So that’s that. Today is 13 DPO; AF is due day after tomorrow. (I guess that technically there could still be a teeny weenie chance that it’s too early if I actually O’d after I had O cramping and not during.) That being said, I do not want to give myself false hope. I know that the month I fell pregnant with John, I actually O’d a week later than I “should’ve.” This was confirmed when I went in to get my dating u/s. As I was lying there with my legs up in the stirrups being violated with an obscenely long probe-like stick (transvaginal u/s is used during very early pregnancy since the uterus is still way too small and low to be seen via and over-the-belly u/s), with my nervous husband and excited mother, the u/s tech informed me that while she could see the gestational sac and the yolk sac (I thought only birds had yolk sacs), there was no baby to see. I flipped, and understandably so. What she should’ve said was, “The baby is still too small to see.” You don’t tell a woman who has spent the last 12 years of her life TTC that there’s no baby to see when you know damn good and well that there’s one in there, just too small to be seen yet!

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Went back a week later (at what should’ve been 7w4d) to see a tiny little blob with a perfect little heartbeat! Turns out that when they measured him, he was measuring a full week behind where he should be based off my last menstrual period (LMP), which pushes O day back by 7 days. So while I know it’s possible, I know it’s not probable at this point. I need to just accept that this cycle was a bust and that we should just try again next month. I know that. My head knows that. I just can’t seem to explain that to my heart.

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