“Is it on me??? I feel like I’ve got the crazy ON me!” ~ Dean Winchester, Supernatural
OK, OK. But for real. I feel like I have been turned to glass by unseeable force, and everyone I come in contact can see how absolutely insane I feel right about now. My ta-tas feel like they’ve gone 9 rounds with Muhammad Ali, and I’ve even had to pull out the bigger bras I wore during pregnancy just to make them sorta comfortable. I’m exhausted, and my sinuses are so congested that I can barely get through a 12 hour period without squirting Afrin up my nose. Ugh! I’ve peed on more money than I care to admit, and yet I’m still sitting in a pile of BFNs.
Why does my body hate me so much?!?! I swear, I know dozens of women who can get knocked up by simply doing “collective underwear laundry” with their significant others, and here I am praying for another baby and it’s like God is laughing at me for it. As juvenile as this sounds, it’s just not fair!
*Side Note – Although I try very hard not to let my religious preferences play a major role in my blog posts, I am a Christian woman, so there will inevitably be some references to God; please do not let this deter you from reading further, even if we may/may not share different views on spirituality. I also know that God does not, nor would He ever laugh at one of His children struggling with infertility. But as a human with human emotions, in truth it sometimes feels that way.*
If I’m being brutally honest with myself, I have to admit that I don’t have much hope left for myself this cycle. I have a rotten headache that has been building since early this morning, and as of yet I have not been able to alleviate it. I just took 550 mg of Naproxen about half an hour ago, so hopefully that’ll do the trick. While this may not make a lot of sense as to how my headache can affect my hopes, a nasty headache (one that I can’t get to go away no matter how hard I try) within a few days of when AF is due is one of my surest signs that the old witch is on her way. I call them “hormone headaches” because they are caused by the sudden drop in hormone levels right before AF. Another of my sure-fire signs that AF is on her way is an awful case of diarrhea. (I am wicked sexy, right?) Since the elevated progesterone levels after O cause your intestines to become sluggish and you end up constipated, it only makes sense that as your hormone levels drop before menstruation, your bowels would wake up and want to rid themselves of all the crap you’ve been full of for 2 weeks. This one I haven’t experienced yet, so I’m still clinging to some tiny bit of hope. I think it’s a fool’s hope, though.
I’m T-minus 4 days until AF is supposed to show, and my guess is that it’ll be right on schedule. Like always.