4 DPO -September 2015

Somehow, I am 4 DPO already! So far this cycle has just zipped by! I decided to avoid temping and charting my BBT, using all but those two OPKs, and checking my cervix. Two of the most annoying tidbits of advise that women get handed (whether they asked for them or not) while they’re TTC are:

“Don’t stress over it; It’ll happen in God’s timing, and stressing only makes it harder” or, “You’ll end up getting pregnant when you stop trying so hard.”

If I’ve heard these timeless pieces of wisdom once, I’ve heard them a millions times. I swore up and down before I got pregnant with Bubby that if I heard either of these two statements just one more time, I was going to puke. And to make matters worse, I knew in my heart of hearts that not one, but both of these statements were absolutely

And I think it made me hate them even MORE.
And I think it made me hate them even MORE.

One of the things I’ve noticed more frequently as I have gotten older is that your perception of certain things change. And true to form, my perception of the aforementioned comments has also changed. I’ve spent months and years obsessing over TTC, literally OBSESSING. Hell, one of the main reasons I created this here bloggin’ thang (in my best backwoods redneck voice) is to help me to UN-obsess over the whole process; as a sort of “journalling therapy” for my obsessiveness. In the clarity of the Dirty Thirties, I have come to realize that pregnancy can only be achieved in God’s timing – but that shouldn’t stop me from doing what I can to meet Him in the middle! As someone who also tends to stress unnecessarily over things that I usually can’t control, it has also recently dawned on me that, as much as I hate to admit it, the line about stress not helping the TTC process is also true. Ugh … I hate admitting that someone else was right and I was wrong. I hate it!

These are the reasons that I decided to just hang the vast majority of TTC related nonsense out to dry this cycle. No peeing on every OPK within a 2 mile radius of my house to see if they all show a positive on the same day; hell, I only took the last 2 digital OPKs I had because I felt O cramping, and even then I didn’t get a positive. So in truth, I really have no idea when I O’d. And since I’m not charting my BBT this cycle either, I can’t even confirm that I truly did O with a 100% certainty. I’d say I’m only somewhere around 85% sure that I O’d on CD, based on the fact that I’ve O’d on CD 12 the past 3 cycles on Femara. And considering that muh boobs have been rather “no-touchy” since CD 11, I’m fairly certain that I did indeed O.

In all honesty, I just didn’t have it in me this cycle. I hadn’t planned to do anything TTC related this cycle, but I started the Femara without a second thought. More out of habit than anything else. I only had 2 pills here at the house, and didn’t even plan to pick up the prescription at the pharmacy; imagine my surprise when my mother picked them up and dropped them off at the house just out of the blue, the day before I was supposed to take my next dose. So I finished the regimen out and here we are. The big toddler that I live with (ya know, the one who’s 175 pounds and still sleeps with me) and I didn’t even BD as much as usual – we’re usually the envy of couples and bunnies worldwide, but we only BD three times during my fertile period. I know that (as my mother would say) “… it only takes one …” but given our history TTC, I’d much rather have BD a lot more than that while in my fertile window. I’m not holding on to much hope for us this cycle. Hell, it’s not looking good for us in any cycle it seems.

Oh, and I seem to be struggling with …

55-insomnia

… really bad in this TWW. I wonder if that should be a good or a bad sign? I’ve always read that people are fatigued in the TWW, not unable to sleep. Yet here I am …

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