15 DPO – August 2015

Well … AF didn’t show today. Now ordinarily I’d be peein’ on anything and everything that even slightly resembled a pregnancy test, but today was different somehow. I was kinda like, “Eh” about the whole thing. Weird, right? I have already peed on every HPT I had in the house, so unless I go out and spend more money (that I don’t have right now), I’m stuck playing the waiting game. And honestly, I keep going back and forth between two emotions; on one hand, I know that there’s almost no chance that I could actually be pregnant. I’ve POAS over and over and over again, and none but the evil “blue dyes” have looked even slightly positive within the 10 minute time frame. But on the other hand, I can’t help but hope, ya know??

When I found out I was pregnant with John, I POAS with a cheap Internet dip strip and got a BFN on the day AF was due. It wasn’t until 3 days later that I got a blazing BFP on a FRER … and every other HPT I took! I found out when I went in for my first u/s that I had actually O’d a week later than I should’ve, so that might explain why I got a BFN the day AF was due. So I know for a fact that there’s always hope until the old hag shows up, but I just can’t let myself believe that it could happen the very same way again. Especially considering that I had every single sign of O and a peak reading on a Clearblue Advanced Digital OPK on CD 10-13. So if I am indeed pregnant, either I O’d later than I thought (by more than just a day or so), or my eggs move through my fallopian tubes slower than molasses in January!

Mah boobs are pretty much not sore at all anymore, and the zits are clearing up nicely. And thanks to the “un-blockage” of yesterday morning, things are moving nicely now with most of the constipation behind me. Now my brain comprehends that 2 + 2 = NO BABY THIS MONTH, but my brain is having trouble explaining that to my heart. I have a quantitative HcG blood test ordered by my doctor, so I’m half tempted to go in tomorrow (before the weekend gets here) and have my blood tested. If my HcG level is <1 then I’ll stop the progesterone suppositories and wait for AF; if it’s any number >1 then I’ll continue to take the progesterone and see what the doctor says when I go in on Monday. That is of course, if AF doesn’t show up tonight which is exactly what my luck will most likely be!

The story of my life at the moment ...
The story of my life at the moment …

On the bright side today, I had a very productive day as I attempted to keep myself too busy to avoid running to the bathroom every 5 minutes to check for AF. I got all the extra blankets in the house washed, folded, and put into a Space Bag to give me a little more space. The house we live in on post is a quaint little single family 3 bedroom home. It’s adorable the way I’ve decorated it (if I do say so myself), but it is pretty small and short on storage space. So I found one of the Space Bags I used before we came back on Active Duty and figured that would be perfect! Tomorrow I’ll be making a run to our storage shed to drop off a bunch of crap; we’ve got a boatload of extra junk/baby stuff filling our spare bedroom damn near to the brim, and we’ve got Matt’s parents coming next weekend to celebrate John’s 2nd birthday. Holy crap … my baby will be TWO!!! Ugh. I had so hoped to be able to have him unwrap a shirt at his party that said “I’m gonna be a Big Brother!” But looks like it won’t be happening this year …

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